There are things that children say that we, as parents, kind of think “Kids say the darnedest things!” This particular story comes from that part of my parenting. My oldest was two and I was very pregnant with my son. Her Aunt, from her father’s side, brought her out to get a new pair of shoes, which was a very kind gesture because I was not going to do this with my gigantic belly. She can go barefoot like me. *Yes I was barefoot and pregnant because my feet looked like Miss Piggy’s.

My daughter comes home with her new shoes and takes the bag and literally chucks the fucking thing into the corner of her room. She walks out to me and says to me “Can I have a snack?”

“Yes, but first say thank you to your Auntie for the shoes!” I tell her.

“Thank you for the shoes. Can I have a snack?” the two year old says because she is all about this snack and not at all about the shoes. I mean what girl is not excited about a new pair of shoes…. I know that’s sexist but what boy is not excited about a new pair of shoes….see it works for both genders.

I also thank my sister in law for the shoes and for taking her and I help my two year old get her string cheese opened. My sister in law leaves and my daughter looks directly in my eyes and says “I am not wearing those shoes!” Which was alarming, because what the actual fuck man?

“What do you mean? What happened?” I ask because this is bizarre by any standards I can fathom. Has there been an argument? Was she wanting another pair they didn’t have her size in? My Sister in law is kind and thoughtful so I am unsure what has transpired here.

“Nothing happened.” the two year old states.

“Are you sure?” I ask. *Again keep in mind this is a two year old who doesn’t break it down for me at all, so I am just sitting there watching her eat her string cheese trying to guess what the problem is.

“Yes! Are we going to go for a walk today?” she asks.

“No because it is raining. Would you like to pick a game and we can play?” I ask her.

This child walks into her bedroom looks at the bag of shoes and kicks it as she walks by. She opens her closet that houses her games and chooses the game she wants, then as she walks out kicks the bag again. I am still wondering what is up with her and her Auntie.

“Did you have fun with Auntie?” I ask

“Yup! We had ice cream after lunch.”

“That sounds nice. What flavor did you get?” I ask

“I had a twisty cone!” she said

“Your favorite!” I said.

“Are you going to keep asking me questions or are we gonna play a game?” she asks like she’s a dealer at a casino.

“Okay! Let’s play some Candy Land!” * this was before she threw it in the trash because she lost.

We play our game and the subject of the shopping trip has been dropped.

That evening when her father gets home he asks how our day was.

“Your little angel went shopping with your sister today.”

My oldest little girl looks at her dad and smiles.

“Oh you lucky girl, what did you get?”

“I got a stupid pair of shoes that I am never going to wear!” there it is again, that hostility.

“You don’t like your new shoes?” my husband asks like the better detective than me. I am more about the relationships, he is all like honing in on the real fucking problem, the shoes.

“No.” she says.

“Why not?” he asks

“Because they have rocks in them.” she announces.

He looks at her puzzled and says “How did they get rocks in them?”

“They are just in there.” she says matter of factly and carries on with her life. *again she is two. She talks like a thirty year old but she is only two.

He walks into her room and picks up the bag with the shoes and takes them out of the box. They look like a perfectly new pair of shoes. He pulls them out and says “These are nice, sweet pea, do you want to try them on?”

“They have rocks in them, they have rocks in them! Them futting things have rocks in them!” she begins to sing.

“Hey, hey, hey! Watch your language young lady!” I announce.

“Oh I didn’t mean that kind of fut its the other kind!” because there had recently been a conversation about the curse word “Jesus” and how, if said properly, it was actually a good thing and now my little shit believes that there are really good curse words and that, when said with the right intentions, fuck is okay to say.

“It is not okay for you to say that one.” I said “That is a very bad word.”

“You say it! And dad says it all of the time.” she looks right at him and he is still holding the shoes. She walks over and knocks the box right out of his hands.

“Easy!” He says to her. He looks inside of the shoes and sees nothing in there. “I don’t know what you are talking about, I don’t see any rocks in there.”

“You can’t see them.” she announces to us.

I am exhausted and pregnant and honestly frustrated with the entire new shoe subject so I state that it is bath time.

“Do you want me to give her a bath?” My husband offers.

“Yes, that would be very helpful.” I go to the couch and sit down. I was asleep before they were finished filling up the tub.

The next weekend we were heading out to a birthday party and I say “Do you want to wear your new shoes?” I ask hoping she had forgot her hatred of them.

“They have rocks in them!” she tells me and then walks over and grabs a pair of shoes I know do not fit her any more. She struggles to get them on and I honestly am just dumbfounded.

I finally decide it is time to put my hand in her new shoes to see what the actual fuck she is talking about and sure as shit there are what feel like sharp rocks in her shoes. I give them to my husband and say “feel this!”

“Holy shit!” he says “There are rocks in her shoes.” he looks at her and grimaces. “Did you tell Auntie that there were rocks in them?”

She says “Yes, and she called me silly!”

Well, to be fair to her Auntie, we didn’t believe her either. That was when I realized that sometimes I wasn’t a good listener to my child. After that I would really try to understand what she was trying to say. She was a strong willed two year old and now she is a strong willed twenty-seven year old and that strength has been a great value to us both.

Moral of my story: Sure kids say the darnedest things but they have something to tell you so try to listen, try to understand and try to have an open mind. Also if your kid says those shoes have rocks in them, take those fuckers back because she is never going to wear them.

Until next time.