Oh My GAWD guys, I have been walking around for days with a crick in my neck. I am a hunchback because somehow I have slept wrong. I mean HOW was I sleeping? Was I doing headstands in my slumber? Am I actually doing an acrobatic routine without waking? Am I entered in some shut eye olympics? Or Am I sleeping with my neck wrenched to one side without knowing it? There are so many questions and secretly I am hoping that it is the shut eye olympics and that I have won a Gold Medal in the Snooze Gymnast category. But more likely I am losing the Olympic Dozing Wrestling category instead.

Truth be told: and this is more conjecture than truth, so you know “Truth”, I think it’s because I was holding on for dear life to keep some covers while sleeping. My husband has been traveling a lot and he is a selfish sleeper when he comes home after being gone for weeks at a time. When he gets home he cocoons himself in the blankets and eventually gets hot. When he gets hot he throws the blankets off onto the floor. And not back over to me the frozen lady holding onto her little shoulder corner trying to stay toasty and sleeping.

I woke up one day and passive aggressively said “Oh at least the floor is warm when I step on it!” He really didn’t hear me because he was sleeping….comfortably….like a fucking asshole!!!!!

I try to let that shit go. But I did try to mention it in a constructive way “Hey, honey when we fall asleep tonight can you stop taking all of the blankets? I mean I wouldn’t want you to have some sort of accident.” Jokingly of course.

Him “Yeah sure.”

So naturally he slept and I slept with a death grip on the blankets and every time he pulled them I pulled them back. You know restful the way nighttime should be.

Now that we have done this nighttime wrestling match I woke up with a sore shoulder, neck and back. He doesn’t even really know that he’s doing it. I know he isn’t doing it on purpose and there have been times when I will get my own blanket and just admit defeat like an intelligent person should. But now I can’t turn my neck because I wasn’t being that intelligent defeated person.

Bedtime is for rejuvenating yourself. I am not rejuvenated and honestly I understand Lucy and Ricky’s bedtime situation. I mean not the twin sized beds because those are small but queen sized beds would be good. (for those of you who do not know Lucy and Ricky, its mostly because you are young and vibrant and not at all oldish like me, but there was this show called I Love Lucy and it was in black and white. Also I would like to point out that I saw it as reruns and I am only pointing this out to save my vanity. But either way they were a married couple similar to Bert and Ernie and in separate twin sized beds.)

I have slept wrong either way and I am suffering and in pain and trying to get some sort of relief. When did sleeping become dangerous to my health. Is this what my future looks like now? Am I just going to have to get used turning my head to the left only? Either way I will have to work out these kinks so naturally I sat at my computer and began typing this morning, which obviously was a mistake because apparently typing uses all of your upper body to accomplish. So as I write this through gritted teeth and tears in my eyes. I just wanted you all to know I slept wrong and my neck is paying for it.

moral of my story: At a certain point in your marriage separate beds makes more sense.

Until next time

What? You wanted a better moral than that one? Me too readers me too! How about this one…..I may be the gold medalist in snooze gymnastics but I’ve definitely lost the dozing wrestling match. If you see any of these nighttime Olympics on television or youtube let me know. I would like to see when I won the gold medal. Also I am grateful to have a bed to sleep in and a roof over my head and covers to fight over with someone that I love. I truly am fortunate. I know that. My neck doesn’t know that but my heart does and she is the asshole that I follow in most cases.

Until next time 🙂 <- smiling like a winner of a gold medalist