Is there anything worse than packing for a trip. I always tell people who I pack like I am running away, meaning that I am likely to have no underwear nor a toothbrush. It is more like packing like running away to join a shoe circus because I am going to have more pairs of shoes than days that I am traveling. I mean I may need these heels with the rhinestones because I may suddenly be invited to a fashion show or perhaps a wedding. How many shades of lipstick will I bring? Well did I mention that I have forgotten my toothbrush…what shade makes me look like I’ve brushed my teeth? Kidding, I am obsessive about brushing my teeth, my receding gum line will tell you. I still forget it though my toothbrush though.

It usually goes like this….

Me: sudden look of confusion and also panic.

Husband: “I have packed you a toothbrush!”

Me: smiles and still unsure what he means because it is usually not a new one. So I typically will have to buy one at the hotel store.

I also pack too many clothes for all seasons because is it winter or summer where we are going? Are they in the tundra but also near the equator? I brought five separate jackets on my last trip…..three of which I did not wear, and I still had to purchase one because I thought it was warmer than it actually was and got cold out on our travels for the day and bought a jacket to warm up. So I came home with six jackets.

As much as I don’t actually like packing to take a trip, I despise unpacking when I get home from one. It’s like a laundry bin at that point. Oh just let me unpack and do laundry and fold it and put it away….it’s so much work housed  in such a tiny bag. How did so many hours of work fit into that one small suitcase anyway?

If you travel with kids, you are going to get some sort of fucking surprise when you get home.

Such as:

Oh weird, here is the hotel tv remote!

or

A small container of seashells that smells as if they are housing a dead whale carcass!

or

twenty pounds of fucking sand!

or

a little bottle of ketchup from room service!

What the fuck are my kids doing when we are on vacation anyway? What the fuck am I doing where I don’t notice these things until I get home?

If you think I am an over-packer for me? When I packed for small children I was super prepared for anything. I kid you not, that if and when I could fit it in we would travel with the child’s potty chair. My kids were terrified of using public toilets and that meant hotel toilets and also family member’s toilets. I don’t know what my children thought my brothers did for a living but it appeared that they were in the lucrative business of selling time on their toilets.

I would pack them books, toys, stuffed animals, blankies, pacifiers, bottles, cookies, juice, cereal, clothes for every season, diapers, coloring books, crayons, pictures of their pets, birth certificates, last two years tax returns and so on and so forth until I would look at everything and think “That’s probably going to hold us over until we get home!” This is all the things that I would schlep around for several days until it was time to come home and wash it all.

Have you ever forgot your child’s blankie? or comfort item? Have you survived to tell the tale? Are there any ghost moms reading my blog and wishing they had enough energy to write me and tell me about your experience? please don’t haunt me! I forgot my daughter’s blankie and it was like she had a vital organ removed by the way she had carried on….well maybe not vital because she sure had stamina…so maybe a tonsil or something.

It starts with the child getting a little tired and you look for the comfort item. First you check the suitcase. Not there, you don’t panic because your search has only just begun. You then check the diaper bag, not there, you began to feel your heart speed up. Then you ask the kids “Have you seen your sister’s blankie?” They all shake their heads no. You don’t panic because they aren’t very observant. You go out to the car and search any where a blankie could hide. You feel the lump in your throat. You search everywhere the blankie couldn’t possibly hide. The feeling that the world is about to end is slowly trying to settle into your soul. You pinch your cheeks to put some color into them because you are going to have to try to convince your baby that it’s no big deal. The blankie is misplaced, not dead and gone. You look at yourself in the car mirror and give yourself a little pep talk “Okay Becki, the blankie is not in any of the usual places. It is probably hiding under a chair or something. You can do this. If you cannot find the blankie you will simply just tell the child and it will be fine. You got this! Don’t cry. Come on! Babies can smell fear. You are going to do great. Maybe the baby won’t care any way, I mean it is only a blanket.”

Then you walk into the hotel and tear up the place because you fucking know that no one will be getting any sleep if you don’t find that fucking blankie. You have seen it before when the blankie was in the dryer and it had fifteen minutes left and your child’s tantrum lasted well into the night because even when you did give it to them all dry and clean it was too late. The child was beyond reason and over tired and the blankie smelled different and not at all like puke and stale peanut butter.

I don’t know what is going to happen when I go inside and face the tiny tyrant. All I know is that if I runaway now the shoe circus might take me. Honestly I could probably live in this car for two months with all of the snacks, water bottles and potty chair. Alas I get the nerve and go inside to face the tiny little drum that is about to spoil the night for everyone within a twenty-mile radius of our room. It has to be done. I have to admit defeat. I will one day laugh about it and write a blog about it. But today I am going to wish that I packed that fucking blankie first. Stupid Becki!

Moral of my story: Are vacations even worth it? Yes, they are so worth. Wrap your child in the blankie if you remember the child the blankie comes with it. Also unpack as soon as you get home it makes the chore easier. And if you are like me and pack too much stuff just know the stuff you buy is not going to fit in your bags when you come home so remember to pack an extra suitcase.

Until next time 🙂