IMG_6138I am a humorous blogger and how do you talk about a serious topic like negativity in a humorous way? Well, hopefully we are about to find out. I have suffered from low self-esteem my entire life. What does low self-esteem look like? It is the lies you tell yourself so that you don’t reach too high and get disappointed. It is the voice inside you that says things like “I know you might be feeling really good about yourself right now but let’s be honest…has anything you’ve ever done been a success?”

Or maybe it looks like this “You are insignificant in this large world of seemingly more important people.”

Sometimes it says things like “HMMM! You are looking like a winner and it is only down from here.”

This is negativity and where you learned it is really not a justification to continue to treat yourself that way. So what can you do about it? First you can make a list of things that are going well in your life. They can be as simple as I have a roof over my head or I know how to order my favorite ice cream. It’s ok to start out simple because honestly no one is unhappy when they are eating their favorite ice cream. Next you can really dig in…like I have the ability to…fill in the blank here. Each time you make a list it is important to sit quietly with yourself and to give yourself a moment to enjoy YOU. It is also important to appreciate those things around you such as nature, a good book, a favorite person, a loving pet…so on and so forth.

Our society is known for telling you to put all of your energy into your job and fill every minute of your day doing things. This is great but we are tired and cranky because we are always in a hurry and that bitch just cut you off in the morning and doesn’t she know that you have places to be? So I say put that all on hold. Let those around you get in front of you. Maybe they are in a true hurry to rush to a loved one’s side in their time of need. Maybe they are rushing to get to the hospital because the baby is on the way and there is no time to waste. Maybe they are just an asshole who enjoys cutting people off, but let me tell you that you getting upset with them will make little difference. So my second advice is to slow down and appreciate life. Stop assuming you know what other people’s motives are….that isn’t your job. They will take care of it or not that’s up to them. Take a minute or two to just sit peacefully with yourself and truly enjoy it. Do nothing for a little bit of your day, but be mindful of that minute. Now that you have slowed down a bit look around you and see the faces of those who are with you. Acknowledge them and allow them to be themselves too.

Some of my all time favorite memories of being with my children was either when I first woke up or right before they went to bed. The television would be off and we would just sit and rest in that moment. We would talk and laugh and really just be. Cuddles are the best when everyone is invested in that time together. So I say turn off the electronics and sit together. Talk and laugh and really have no agenda. Spend time with your loved ones on purpose. Listen to what they say without judgement of them or yourself. Don’t take offense when your child says something like “I love sitting on your lap because it is so fat and cushy!”

Because what they are saying is “I LOVE SITTING ON YOUR LAP BECAUSE IT IS COMFORTABLE AND SAFE.”

If you struggle with your weight or your looks ask yourself this one thing “Why?” Is it because you need to fit a societal profile built by others? (Hey, I fall into this category one hundred percent.) IF that is the case I will tell you truthfully that the vision of a perfect type has been constantly changing. Who is in charge of the change? Who the fuck knows…some blame Hollywood, some blame magazines, but truth be told if we didn’t want it they wouldn’t sell it. So guess what WE HAVE THE POWER. If we don’t buy into the one size fits all stereotype then they will adjust to what we are buying. So I say you look at that person in the mirror and say “You may have wrinkles but just look at how you carry yourself with your head held high with dignity.” “You are living because you are necessary to this world.” And lastly I see women in magazines my age…mid forties….and they look amazing. I then look at myself and think ‘UGH! Not amazing.’ However, I have to remind myself that I am a lovable human being. I hold doors for people all of the time and that’s a nice thing that I can continue to do. It makes me feel good and I hope that it makes them feel good too.

For every action is a reaction, but it doesn’t have to be a negative one. Follow this scenario: I am having a Shit of a day. I get up in the morning late and I have to take my daughter to her doctor’s appointment. I see that she is ready and I quick throw myself together. We jump in the car and start driving and I realize that I have a flat tire. I go back home and luckily I have another car to take. We switch vehicles and I drive all the way to the doctor’s office and now we are legitimately late. I drive her to the front and send her in and I park the car. I catch up to her and find out that she does in fact have an appointment but not at this particular office. ARE YOU KIDDIN ME RIGHT NOW?

We leave and I now have pulled my kid out of school for an appointment that didn’t even happen and had to make another appointment which means more missed school time. I look at my daughter and I feel like a fucking failure in the worst way possible. I began to cry. My daughter said to me (and I love her for it because this is what life is really all about) “I don’t think this was a waste, we got to spend the morning together and solving problems. I got to see my mother deal with every situation without missing a beat. You were all ‘flat tire, no problem. Wrong office, no big deal’ Mom this was truly a great morning. I’m happy to have been with you through it all.”

You see the negativity was surrounding me. It was eating me alive and I didn’t let any light in to save me…until the brightest of all light spoke up and shown through what I was doing to myself.

We can’t always count on others to be that light. We have to find an unending source of that light for ourselves. How you choose that is up to you. So today allow me to share this with you, You are loved beyond measure. You are cherished and necessary. You matter to this world and you are unique in it. What if the very thing you don’t like about yourself can be minimized simply by you believing in a stronger part of you. What if that part isn’t noticeable to others at all. Why focus on it? Why make it bigger and stronger than it has to be?

It is said that you must love others as you love yourself. The first thing isn’t stated….the first thing is that you must love yourself. Not in a gross and arrogant way, but in a humble way. Love yourself in a way that you can say I may not like the fact that I can’t fit into jeans from last March. Or I truly hate that when I sing I sound like an out tune tuba. Or When I go out I feel awkward and out of place….. But despite it all I have this love for others. I see a person and I can look beyond some of their obvious flaws and still see worth and value. Maybe you should love yourself as you love others too. If you are able to love yourself, if you are able to give freely…if you are able to humble yourself in a way that lets your imperfections shine too, you just may be the person you’ve been looking for all along. You maybe the person that inspires others to do so as well. How great would the world be if people loved themselves and others equally, over looking flaws and seeing value in each being?

My own experience goes a little like this. I saw that people around me seem to have a low opinion of me and I thought “if everyone sees it then it must be true.” I was open to criticism and I welcomed it in like a comfortable old friend. When I started to sit with myself and I started to count my blessings, they started out small and sometimes were rather superficial. What I began to notice was that I actually like myself. I didn’t think I was perfect. People were not treating me any differently, I was treating me differently. Once my eyes were open to accept my good with my bad and I promised to work on the pieces I didn’t like about myself, I had little regard for the criticism others had for me. You see maybe they are right with some of the things they don’t like about me and well, they are entitled to their opinion. But what they don’t like in me, I have witnessed, has little to do with me at all. They are struggling too. They are swimming in their own negativity and like a magnet it will try to flip your charge and pull you into them. Now that I am positive toward myself, I can also be positive to others regardless of the way that they treat me. I, like a magnet, can use my positive charge to see that negativity and I can push it away. I can be positive toward others without pushing them away, but I definitely try to push away their negativity. I don’t want to allow it to stick, nothing good will come from that.

I can look in the mirror and say, “You look tired today, but you have a nice warm smile and some other tired person may really need that smile in their life.”

Or “You really enjoy writing and maybe not everyone will love exactly everything you write, but that’s ok, because they can take what they like and they can leave the stuff that they don’t.”

Or “These jeans are really cutting me in half and Camel toe is a distant wish….but I can work hard toward getting back into these jeans by the time fall comes. If not, shopping is fun too.”

You can flip your negative thoughts with practice and practice doesn’t make perfect, practice makes imperfect acceptable.

Moral of my story: Invest some time into yourself, give to you even if it is only fifteen minutes a day. List what you like and tell yourself that you will grow in those things. Invest in people around you with good old fashioned quality time. By quality time I don’t mean that you have to pressure yourself to be a wise old coach or any well informed friend…quality as in no judgement. Allow yourself and them to be who they are with no expectations. Lastly do the things you like whenever you get a chance, don’t wait for the right time because the right time is now. Make time for yourself to enjoy your life. You have to be responsible but there is always something that you can enjoy for free. Make a list of things you can afford and give that a try, as long as you aren’t hurting yourself or others, go for it.

I will end with this, keep your positive charge and recharge it as much as you can. I hope that you found encouragement today. I know it was not really humorous but I hope you at least got something out of it.

Until next time 🙂

 

 

2 thoughts on “Negativity and what to do with it

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